I named my inner saboteur Grumelda
I gave the sabotaging voice in my head a name, a personality and a pair of long red nails. Meet Grumelda Grudge, the woman I now refuse to take advice from.
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Responsibility without self-hatred
No one else can make the private choices or lose the weight for me. Taking responsibility means being honest about those choices without treating the person making them with cruelty.
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Fat noise: When your size enters the room before you do
When I was bigger, my size seemed to enter every room before I did. I call that constant background fear “fat noise”: The exhausting belief that other people are judging your body, your character and your right to take up space.
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Why knowing what to eat is not the same as being able to live it
Knowing about calories and nutritious food is the easy part. Living that knowledge when I am tired, hungry and desperate for comfort is where it becomes difficult.
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The quiet war starts the moment the diet does
The moment I decide I am properly on a diet, the first thing I lose is not weight. It is peace. Suddenly, the calories for the entire day need to be calculated. Then recalculated. Then adjusted because I have changed my mind about dinner. Then recalculated again, in case mathematics has undergone a significant development…
